back to post lerrh..wake up around 2..but i did not sleep well at all..continuosly waking up hourly..having bad dreams that make it spoil mine mood today..sian..wake up and started packing stuff for my trip to malacca..but i cant seems to bring a small bag..till the end i still have to lend a bag from adrian..hope it will at least fits everything in so i don have to take anything on my hand..tml will be working from 2pm to 10pm..will be a tiring day for me..cause i think i wont be able to have enough sleep and as i need to be ready before 5.30am as hubby's brother will come and fetch me to his house..went for tuition today and i finally finish the qns on volume which i hated most..playing STEPS this few days and i'm now level 9 lerrh..haha..i'm so lost now..our problems will never be solve..cause it seems to be there everytime..hubby will never wan to sit down and talk things out, he never wan to say out how he feels..even how unhappy with me he also wont say out..it make me feel that he's fading away cause i'm not in his world..he is just inside his own world which don include me..that's why little bit of things we will quarrel cause we just go to conclusion..haiis..i really hate this feeling..i really hate the way he treat me..i really don feel good..don feel happy at all..everyday is just injury..not a healed heart..the pain inside my heart is accumulating everyday,it make me even more pain then relieve..it don even feel that it is healing..my heart is crying and bleeding..haiis..post till here bah..off to bed lerrh..

♥ 9:59 AM

i'm back to post lerrh..today is me and hubby's derrh 3 years anniversary.. but is a sad anniversary..i really feel very lost now..damn lost..we have been for so many years and this is wat i get back in return..i know i'm just comforting myself..he just no longer needs me and love me..last time derrh him is already lost..he's just a changed person which i don know wat to do to make him treat me better , treat me like his gf..i hate this feeling, it seems like he's going to leave me soon..real soon..i know we can never last long, i know after this week,i may not have time for him..i may not be able to see him..what abt sch starts? we are not in the same sch..he may find the person he really love..and i'm going to be a rubbish when he will throw me away..now then i know that love don last forever, now then i know loving a person is so hard cause i cant keep him with me to love me wholeheartedly..so wat if i love him so much , putting all the fucking effort into this relationship when he don even fucking care for it..i'm freaking pissed but i cant say anything cause the while i say out,he will not care me anymore..we will just lost contact for weeks or even months..haiis..i hate this feeling,if i can change the time, i will never wan to be his gf cause it really make me feel so suffering..but now i choose this path, i have to bear with the consequences..cause i'm the one who keep telling ppl that he love me and need me..fucking idiot of me to say all this to comfort myself when he don even need me in his life..i'm just freaking transparent to him..even if i never find him for a week,he wont even freaking come ask me anything..he just happily go out with his frens..haiis..such unfair life i have..messages to him wont be reply..haiis , i'm really tired..someone told me that i will be able to find a better guy after i break up with him..but i seems to have the same fate..i'm just nthg to all the guys..am i too good or am i just a worst gf?i don know..post till here bah..will be going malacca with hubby and his family this sat and sun..hope i can go there and relax myself..treat it as i'm spending time with hubby as after i come back i wont be having alot of time with him lerrh..bye people..

♥ 11:50 PM