back to post lerrh..wake up around 2..but i did not sleep well at all..continuosly waking up hourly..having bad dreams that make it spoil mine mood today..sian..wake up and started packing stuff for my trip to malacca..but i cant seems to bring a small bag..till the end i still have to lend a bag from adrian..hope it will at least fits everything in so i don have to take anything on my hand..tml will be working from 2pm to 10pm..will be a tiring day for me..cause i think i wont be able to have enough sleep and as i need to be ready before 5.30am as hubby's brother will come and fetch me to his house..went for tuition today and i finally finish the qns on volume which i hated most..playing STEPS this few days and i'm now level 9 lerrh..haha..i'm so lost now..our problems will never be solve..cause it seems to be there everytime..hubby will never wan to sit down and talk things out, he never wan to say out how he feels..even how unhappy with me he also wont say out..it make me feel that he's fading away cause i'm not in his world..he is just inside his own world which don include me..that's why little bit of things we will quarrel cause we just go to conclusion..haiis..i really hate this feeling..i really hate the way he treat me..i really don feel good..don feel happy at all..everyday is just injury..not a healed heart..the pain inside my heart is accumulating everyday,it make me even more pain then relieve..it don even feel that it is healing..my heart is crying and bleeding..haiis..post till here bah..off to bed lerrh..
♥ 9:59 AM
i'm back to post lerrh..today is me and hubby's derrh 3 years anniversary.. but is a sad anniversary..i really feel very lost now..damn lost..we have been for so many years and this is wat i get back in return..i know i'm just comforting myself..he just no longer needs me and love me..last time derrh him is already lost..he's just a changed person which i don know wat to do to make him treat me better , treat me like his gf..i hate this feeling, it seems like he's going to leave me soon..real soon..i know we can never last long, i know after this week,i may not have time for him..i may not be able to see him..what abt sch starts? we are not in the same sch..he may find the person he really love..and i'm going to be a rubbish when he will throw me away..now then i know that love don last forever, now then i know loving a person is so hard cause i cant keep him with me to love me wholeheartedly..so wat if i love him so much , putting all the fucking effort into this relationship when he don even fucking care for it..i'm freaking pissed but i cant say anything cause the while i say out,he will not care me anymore..we will just lost contact for weeks or even months..haiis..i hate this feeling,if i can change the time, i will never wan to be his gf cause it really make me feel so suffering..but now i choose this path, i have to bear with the consequences..cause i'm the one who keep telling ppl that he love me and need me..fucking idiot of me to say all this to comfort myself when he don even need me in his life..i'm just freaking transparent to him..even if i never find him for a week,he wont even freaking come ask me anything..he just happily go out with his frens..haiis..such unfair life i have..messages to him wont be reply..haiis , i'm really tired..someone told me that i will be able to find a better guy after i break up with him..but i seems to have the same fate..i'm just nthg to all the guys..am i too good or am i just a worst gf?i don know..post till here bah..will be going malacca with hubby and his family this sat and sun..hope i can go there and relax myself..treat it as i'm spending time with hubby as after i come back i wont be having alot of time with him lerrh..bye people..
♥ 11:50 PM
i'm back to post lerrh..wake up around 2 plus to actually finish my tuition homework as i'm having tuition today..tuition for two hours and after tuition went to hubby's popo house donwstairs to meet him..pei him home and we took bus 291 to interchange..went to collect my ITE school pants which i send it for alteration..then me and hubby went to tampines mall to hunt for ear studs.. but end up we went to THE BLUE to buy studs..he buy two studs..while i buy none -.- after that went to eat KFC for my dinner as i have not eat the whole day.. then after eating went back to hubby's house as i wan to watch the 9pm show.. after show finish,i continue watching the 10pm show on U channel..after show finish hubby jiu send me home..although its onli a few hours with him but i'm satisfied..thought that i wont be meeting him this few days..but he agree to meet me today..so surprise..mmm , my feeling is still the same..i know no matter wat is also the same..don wan think so much lerrh..tml will be working at WISMA.. but a few hours onli..after work will be going out with colleagues as sat they have cancelled it..should be going out to eat and sing..a farewell for my supervisor..done with my posting for today..going to play maple private server lerrh.. TATA!
♥ 11:03 PM
i'm back to post lerrh , whole nite did not even sleep..many thoughts just popped out..when wanted to sleep its already morning and i'm preparing to go work..reach workplace and started to work..today's sales is damn good..lol..thought that today i'm onli working till 6 but end up i'm working full..today is window change but i still daydreaming didn know anything and new shower gel is lauched, its wild cherry..i don really like the smell..lol , but its okay..i think i wont be buying..sian , this coming sun i will be working at tampines lerrh..i miss all my colleagues.. new environment , new target and new colleagues.. scare that i cant cope with it..but i promise novia i will work hard there, wont throw her face..lol..hope so..even cannot also have to say can..mmm , today is already the second day did not see hubby..and i miss him..i know i'm dreaming that he will actually come find me or wan to meet me..i don know why always think that he will come find me..this few days he also did not message me much..sigh..after work , went to vivo with huishi and went to buy food for my dinner..bloody hell , thought of eating a nice meal but because its already late so we decided to grab some snacks to eat.. but after eating at least my stomach feel better..around 10 , me and her went to starbucks and sat down for a drink..suddenly talked abt me and hubby's derrh relationship..i actually tell her how happy are we when we are together the first 1 year , but now it become like this..when talked till half, my tears actually rolled down my cheeks cause its hurting me to actually reminded all the happy memories last time and now we are like strangers..sigh..not i wan ppl to pity me but i know wat it is now when i don need ppl to comfort or say anything to me..cause my heart is messy too and i don know wat to do..so wat if i cant sleep whole nite crying? there is no difference cause he doesn know and he don wan to know..its been 3 years soon..and we turn out to be this way..i know we will end up leaving one another but i told myself for the time being i will make it a memorable relationship , i try not to quarrel.. but i hope he knows that i'm doing all this..i know there wont be forever, in the end he will still leave me for other girls..
♥ 11:25 PM
i'm back to post lerrh , didn get to post yesterday so now updating..yesterday went to find hubby in the afternoon , when reached jiu started using com, wanted to put L4D into juan's laptop but still cant so end up playing maple private server but connection is so damn lag so end up not playing and went down with hubby to buy lunch as i'm so hungry..it's my first time eating mixed vegetable rice when i'm with hubby cause i never liked to eat that..hubby is so surprised that i actually said i wanted to eat that, he was like huh! -.- was so full eating that..after that sat on the sofa and watch tv till i fall asleep but not long me jiu wake up and pei hubby..so long since we actually watch tv together..cause sometimes he using com and i will be sleeping while sometimes both of us will be sleeping..around 7 , he bring me to bus stop and i actually went home myself..wont be meeting him lerrh till next mon..but i'm fine with it cause he is not keen to see me so i must well spent more time with my frens and colleagues..and soon this coming sun i will be working at tampines body shop..so excited as i wanted to know the ppl there are freindly anot..mmm , hopefully..when reach home me jiu use com awhile then not long dad and mum reach home and she asked me to follow to harry's pub to find james korkor..went there to drink..the new harry's pub is damn nice..will post pics soon..after james korkor finish work they actually brought me to clubbing at a thailand disco..it's at shenton way, it's call sebai sebai..that place is quite messy not really like it..and actually i sneak into it too cause i still have not reach 18,james korkor actually bomb my age as 19 that's why i'm able to enter..now i see everything when clubbing , i will go zouk and st james once..mum and dad will bring me go the next time.. i also will wan to go with my frens cause when i'm with them i cant dance actually..must act 'guai'
-.-.LOL.went to geylang and eat frog porridge after went off from there..it's nice but i don like to eat so much cause i wan to follow hubby, he don eat all this so i also wan to practice not to kill..after finish eating jiu home sweet home..
today wake up so early just wan to finish my tuition homework but still end up never finish..went to tuition at 4.30pm.. when doing all my work that time head suddenly hurt so much that i wanted to bang the wall liao..but end up i still manage to hold till i finish tuition, after tuition i went to my mama house..played with the baby and she so cute you know? haha..
she follows whatever you say..LOL..then around 7 plus the children all went home lerrh so i stayed there to watch show till 10 then jiu went home lerrh..so now using com and i wan to play maple private server lerrh.. wondering that can i still talk to him and tell him how i feels and actually make him forget all the hatred and start afresh, cause i'm sure that if he never forget the hatred,we will never be happy..mmm , sigh.. such a pathetic relationship i have.. :(
♥ 11:53 PM
i'm back to post lerrh , wake up around 11 plus and prepare to go to work..reach workplace around 12 plus going to 1.. think quite alot today during work.. i don know why i suddenly have all those thoughts inside me..i actually go tell my colleague that i feel that me and him is fading away.. i don know how and wat to do.. i really feel so confuse..so wat if we are together and there is no love ther ? i really miss the days we had last two years.. the fotos we take really make me feel so sad cause all the memories just keep popping out.. we never take pictures anymore.. no more of him putting our picture in his fone.. no more holding of hands.. we are just like strangers.. so wat if i'm smiling everyday..so wat if ppl ask me i have a bf, i always say i have but the fact is that i have one who is just like a stranger to me..i care for him , i love him but to him its just nthg..i know he will never see my blog , he wont even peek into it and read how i feel inside here..whoever who ask me to stay happy with him , really sorry.. i try my best but he did not..i thought things will get better, but it seems to be worse..i know the long lost love will never ever be back again..cause there seems to be hatred in it..if one day the hatred is not forgotten , there wont be a lovely relationship..post till here bah.. hope tml will be a better day..bye !
♥ 11:56 PM
i'm back to post..8 plus jiu wake up lerrh , jiu prepare to go tuition..in fact can say that i never even sleep last nite..whole nite keep turning up and down..haiis..now i know this love no longer exist..whenever i go out i can see couples walking around me so intimate but is onli a feeling of 羡慕cause i don have all this inside a relationship..maybe we have been together for so long and seems to be tired of doing all this..think all this problems make me even more sad and scare cause it might even bring us apart..it also bring me to feel that although we are so close but yet we are so far..i really don know wat will happen when sch starts, we are in different sch and we also have different type of things to do..we don have time for one another..but i know i will find time for him but i know he will never do that..cause i'm no longer important to him..haiis, so what if i'm suffering? he know? yarrh , he know but for the sack of himself ,he wont do anything for me..haiis..stay happy ?hur! think happy with a broken heart..stop here bah..
♥ 1:03 PM
